Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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