we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
