you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
