His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize