Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
