OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
