So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wish you could order shots online.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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