I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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