hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
