I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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