I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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