On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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