please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
