hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
