Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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