You're so nebulous sometimes
so that wasnt chicken after all
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
