She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
