I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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