And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
