i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
