I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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