If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Houston, we have a squirter
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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