She's JV to your varsity
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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