Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
