or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize