Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
