then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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