I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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