He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is my gift to your gina
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
