fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
