ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
