I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
