I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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