I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
