Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
