Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
