smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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