Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
false alarm. still invincible.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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