Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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