Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
