Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
