FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
