she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
ok first of all what the fuck
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize