oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
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I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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