I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
