I heard we made out
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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