I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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