just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
