it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
