So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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