I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
