there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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