Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I want to fling myself into the sun
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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