Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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