If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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