The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
