he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
