Please, let me fuck your mom
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
