went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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