I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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