So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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