your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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