Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
