Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
