I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
