We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
