Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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