We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
