I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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