the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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