I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
