Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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