things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
