I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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