Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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